In a move that surprised pundits, experts, and casual fans alike, Oklahoma Sooners quarterback Sam Bradford has been awarded the 2010 Nobel Prize for Football. Bradford, 1-1 as a starting quarterback this season, missed three full games—and half of the season-opening loss to Brigham Young University—and has yet to play the seven regular-season games remaining on the schedule.
The Nobel Prize jurors dismissed suggestions that their selection, coming less than halfway through the season, was premature.
"Our decision was merited and unanimous," said committee chairman Thorbjorn Jagland, proving that to say something is merited is to make it so. As evidence, Jagland pointed to both of Bradford's 2009 touchdown passes, and his having gone five games without throwing an interception. "I bet he wouldn't have thrown any even if he'd actually played in all five games."
"The question we have to ask is who has done the most this season to enhance college football," continued Jagland, "and who has done more in his two games than Sam Bradford?"
Criticism of the Nobel committee's decision was written off as being fueled by racism, which, of course, it is. "Receiving this distinguished award will serve to show the rest of the world how committed Bradford is to football, and if anything, will make it even more likely that he'll win every game from here on out."