Monday, December 31, 2012

If You're Going to Embarrass Yourself, Why Not Do It While Everyone's Watching?

We here at Bowling in the Dark are not Jets fans, but neither are we Jets detractors—except in an general way that, based on their recent accomplishments, they clearly deserve. Thus, we can objectively say that this play from late 2012 may be both the funniest and saddest things we’ve ever seen happen on a football field:

If Mark Sanchez ends his career as a Hall-of-Fame quarterback, a five-time Super Bowl MVP, the guy who solved U.S. debt crisis, and the discoverer of the cure for the common cold, Americans will still remember him as the Butt-Fumble Guy. You can’t buy that kind of publicity, even if for some weird reason you wanted to.

Sorry, Butt-Fumble Guy. Good luck in wherever town you’re playing next season. Keep your passport current, just in case.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Thousands of "Maya Apocalypse" Books Now Fractionally More Worthless

With the world once again failing to get destroyed in a horrible, fiery apocalypse, tens of thousands of Maya Apocalypse–related books are now even more worthless than they were just scant days ago—something that, given how worthless they were before, is difficult to comprehend.

“Sure, we knew they were shitty before,” stated a dozen different publishing-house representatives who wished to remain anonymous, “but now they’re shitty books that won’t even sell.”

“I can’t believe how badly the Earth screwed us by not being destroyed.”

A small selection of the Maya Apocalypse books that aren’t
worth the bullshit that’s written in them.

These publishers are stumped by the difficulty of selling books about an apocalypse that nobody sensible really believed in to a reading public that wasn’t annihilated by it. “Frankly,” says one, “it’d be a lot easier to sell these books now if everybody were dead.

“Imagine trying to sell Twilight in a world where people are actually literate. That’s what we’re up against here.”

This book, on the other hand, stood
behind the daring hypothesis that almost
all of us would be alive and well today. Buy it now
while there’s still time!