|Your marketing department’s worst nightmare. Just ask Fathead.|
Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, having passed for 3 touchdowns and more than 300 yards, was named Most Valuable Player in an exciting 31-25 Super Bowl XLV victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers on February 6, 2011. Perhaps as important as providing a thrilling game, satisfying advertisers, or entertaining hundreds or millions of American football fans worldwide, however, is the simple fact that Rodgers’ performance ensures that he, instead of alleged rapist1 and established asshole Ben Roethlisberger, will be the one going to Disneyland:
The prospect of having to shun the Super Bowl MVP for their traditional postgame advertising bonanza must certainly have cost the folks in Disney’s marketing department several uneasy nights, but almost certainly not as many as the prospect of forcing millions of American parents to explain to their daughters that Disneyland was no longer the Happiest Place on Earth, or even a safe place to be.2
Legendary animator, theme-park entrepreneur, and overall nice guy Walt Disney is once again resting in peace.
1. We at Bowling in the Dark understand that Roethlisberger was not actually prosecuted for rape, and hence will continue to use the word “alleged” in connection to the alleged actions of which we’re inclined to believe he’s guilty. We also respect the law to the fullest extent required by law. However, we would like to point out that Al Capone, according to the legal system, was guilty only of income tax evasion.2. Especially the women’s bathrooms. Allegedly, of course.