And Now, One Reason to Dislike Hockey Players. Or At Least the Crazy Ones.

To be fair, we have never heard of this happening anywhere else on Earth, so we choose to view this as less of an indictment of hockey players in general and more of an exhibit that even people that seem perfectly normal on the outside can, on occasion, do something absolutely batshit crazy.


For more information on this especially bizarre story, follow this link to the article on Deadspin.com, which includes gem of understatement:
 

As it turns out, Rogue Squadron has won every game this year in which one of their players didn’t poop inside an opponent’s equipment.

Today’s Calendar: Bruins vs. Lightning, 11:30 am; Apocalypse, 6:00 pm

The Boston Bruins look to take a commanding 3-to-1 series lead against the Tampa Bay Lightning in Saturday’s NHL Eastern Conference final. Game time is 11:30 Mountain Daylight Time, check your local listings for cable and satellite availability.

In other news, the Apocalypse is set to make its long-awaited debut at precisely 6:00 pm with a global earthquake that will signal the second coming of Jesus Christ, as predicted and guaranteed by Harold Camping of Family Radio in Oakland, California. Camping is confident in his calculations, having used his in-depth knowledge of the Bible and complex mathematical techniques that have proven to be infallibly correct, unless you count that one time when the world didn’t end at all, not even just a little bit, back in 1994 when he said it would. He took his Doomsday Mulligan on that one, however, and we’re fully confident that we should be pretty sure that he definitely might have it right this time around. Totally.

It has to be true. Says so right here on the internet.

Having made our own calculations, however, we strongly suspect that Camping has failed to take into account the necessary adjustment for Daylight Savings Time, which is a modern-day concept not to be found in the Bible and therefore probably overlooked in during his otherwise rigorous number-crunching. 

And that spells deep, deep trouble for Harold Camping, because when the Rapture happens at 5:00 local time instead of the 6:00 he predicted, boy oh boy, will his credibility be shot.

Manny Being Manny . . . Being Kind of Stupid

Manny Ramirez’s expensive and turbulent tenure with the Los Angeles Dodgers came to an end in rather embarrassing fashion on August 29, 2010, as he was thrown out of the game for arguing balls and strikes with the home plate umpire.

This is not, in itself, particularly unusual—rarely does a week go past without some player or another objecting a bit too loudly or too creatively about a third-strike call, and ending up getting tossed out of the game. What makes Ramirez’s last at-bat in Dodger blue odd is that he was thrown out for arguing about the first pitch.

Ramirez—for several years rivaled only by Adam Sandler as the nation’s favorite man-child—entered the game as a pinch hitter in the sixth inning, with one out and the bases loaded, down 8 to 2 against the Colorado Rockies, with both teams desperate for a win to stay relevant in the National League wild-card chase. Bernard Malamud could hardly have written a more perfectly crafted clutch situation for a potential Hall of Fame hitter, and the partisan Coors Field crowd, despite booing enthusiastically, recognized the moment as one on which the game may well have turned inevitably to the Dodgers’ favor.

Instead, approximately thirteen nanoseconds later, Manny “ManRam” Ramirez—one of the most respected hitters of the past fifteen years—was out of the game and replaced by Reed “Who the Fuck?” Johnson, who grounded into an inning-ending double play.¹

Ramirez has earned a reputation both for being a prima donna and for lacking mental focus on anything but baseball (or, perhaps more accurately, anything but hitting). Some of his career highlights:

• Remarked, upon learning that he had been claimed off of waivers by the White Sox, that he looked forward to playing with Big Papi again.
• In 2009, was suspended for 50 games for violation of major league baseball’s drug policy, reportedly for taking human chorionic gonadotropin, a women’s fertility drug. He has consistently refused to disclose to the media the name of the father.
• Considers peanut butter to be a mortal enemy.
• On his first day with the Boston Red Sox, decided to walk to the ballpark to familiarize himself with the city; made it nearly three quarters of a mile out to sea before being informed by the Coast Guard that his map was upside-down.
• Doesn’t finish his vegetables.
• In 1999, after seven seasons and more than 800 games with Cleveland, announces to the press that he wished he’d played for the Indians. 
• Once played an entire thirteen-game homestand with his head stuck in a plastic jar.²

Ramirez’s ejection from a single regular-season game is far from a career-defining moment, especially for a hitter as accomplished, mercurial, and downright odd as Manny Ramirez. However, coming as it does at the very end of his Dodger days, it does provide a nifty summary of the end of his time there (and perhaps the end of his time in Boston as well)—as a tremendously gifted hitter who’s worn out his welcome; a guy selfish, spaced out, or indifferent enough to shoot his team in the foot on his way out of town.

NOTES

1. By my calculations, Ramirez made $111,111 for roughly five minutes’ worth of standing around. Good work if you can get it.
2. In his defense, on that homestand Ramirez batted .363 with 6 home runs, 8 doubles, and 22 runs batted in.

QB Tebow Stars in Least Offensive Commercial in Super Bowl History

Thousands of American viewers offended.