Sunday, June 17, 2012

How to Fail at Marketing, Lesson 4

American athletic equipment and apparel retailer Dick’s1 Sporting Goods—quite possibly the most single most successful non-pornographic enterprise ever to make use of the word “Dick”—isn’t actually failing, per se, with the bit of marketing phraseology that is the topic of today’s discussion.

On the contrary, it may actually attract business in this country, and if it convinces some portion of America to get off our giant fat collective ass and start working out, we’re all for it.2

However, we hope that Dick’s, having missed the boat on our earlier advice about marketing, will seriously consider changing this sales pitch if they decide to expand into, say, India:

Just a suggestion.

1. Hello, random internet browser who’s never visited this site before. Welcome! We’re far too polite to ask you what Google search brought you here in the first place, because we all know that it had the word “dicks” in it. Perhaps this is what you're looking for. Thanks for stopping by, and please leave a catastrophically punctuated message in our comments section, along with a link to your drug and/or pr0n site!
2. We recently bought a pair of running shorts there, and have so far been disappointed with their inability to make running anything less than the Worst Activity in the World.


  1. I was gonna leave a link to my spam site (as you know, I'm an outed spammer), but I'll just leave it on your computer.

    Dick's is the most well-known phallicly-named sporting goods store, but there is Johnson's Sporting Goods in the New England Area, and of course, Cox' Big Swangin' Sportin' Tackle.

    1. We are pleased to live in a world where folks don't have to make up the existence of places like "Johnson's Sporting Goods" merely to pull off a good weiner joke.