A Humble Request from the Nervous Guy in the Car in Front of You

Hi there.

I know plenty of people who tend to talk with their hands. I don’t do it myself, but it doesn’t bother me; I see it all the time. In fact, the future Mrs. Some Guy does it pretty often, and it can be really entertaining and even (in her case, at least) awfully endearing.

However, if you can’t help but talk with your hands while you’re on your cell phone, maybe you shouldn’t use your phone while you’re driving. Because from what I can tell from my nervous glances into my rear-view mirror, the only thing keeping you in your lane is the good work done by the dude who must have aligned your tires not too long ago. For future reference, “hands-free” refers to a kind of cell phone you can buy, not to your steering wheel. Thank you for your time, and best of luck sorting things out, soon or someday, with your insurance company.