Please Giggle at This Noble Cause, and Then Donate

Note: If you’re not entertained by wordplay and/or lowbrow boob humor, you may as well stop reading, because there’s really nothing for you here.

All day today, Dr. (Mrs.) Some Guy will be participating in Girls Gone Rx, a CrossFit competition that doubles as a fundraiser for Barbells for Boobs, which is (according to their website) “a non-profit organization that provides funding to pay for breast cancer detection services as a last resort for thousands of people who don’t qualify for assistance elsewhere.”

While we applaud the participants’ phenomenal athleticism and their willingness to work their asses off (not usually literally) for a good cause, what really hooked us here was the lengths to which some of competitors were willing to go, and the linguistic creativity they were willing to apply, to come up with boobie-themed team names that are either really good or really bad, sometimes simultaneously.

The competing teams include:

• Breast Friends
• Bar Belles
• Twin Peaks Rescue
• Bonkers for Honkers (our personal favorite)
• Fembots
• Breast Assured
• Titty Titty Bang Bang
• Bad LAsses
• BrEAST MODE
• Rack Pack
• Team Motorboat
• Big or Small...Save ’em All
• Stop Drop and Squat
• Saving Second Base
• Push-Up Broads (extra points awarded here for a triple meaning, even if the competitors don’t actually have to do push-ups today)
• Breast buddies
• Sweater Puppies
• Pirates for Healthy Coconuts (also our personal favorite. Why “Pirates”? Who cares?)
• Sweater Kittens
• Breast Friends Forever
• Brazinga!
• In Titties We Trust
• Lumbear racks
• Girls Gone WOD (WOD is a CrossFit term that stands for “Workout Of the Day”)
• Pink Ninjas
• Tits on Tits on Tits
• Itty Bitty Titty Committee
• Peeka Boobies
• Honkin Tatas
• Tittsburgh Feelers (we’ve done what research we can, but have been unable to determine whether this team really did come all the way from Tittsburgh to compete)
• Ta-tas and Tiaras
• Bad Ass Boobed Bitches
• Treasured Chests
• Booby Trap
• Go BOOB or go HOME
• Double-D Double Unders
• A Cups
• Breast of Intentions
• Do These Squats Make Our Asses Look Big
• Rack Attack
• Boobie Traps
• Nice Rack
• Rack City
• Mis-Tits
• Booby Buccaneers
• We Care About Your Pair
• Hee HawHotties
• BoobBeasts

Lest you think this competition amounts to a bunch of lunkheaded gym guys snickering at boob jokes like a bunch of fourteen-year-olds, the Girls Gone Rx competition appears to be for women only. The single lunkheaded guy we know snickering at it is the one blogging about it at the moment. So take that, people who object to stuff!

If you'd like to donate—which would be great—please visit this page for Saving Second Base, towards which I am terrifically biased but only because it’s possibly the greatest CrossFit team ever assembled, and not because it includes my wife.

This is Why Your Auto-Spellchecker Is Not Enough.

Follow Your Dreams. Even If You Suck.

American rock band Van Halen, formed in 1972, has sold almost 100 million records in its forty-some years of existence. Fifty-six million of those sales are of the albums released between 1978 and 1985, during the first tenure of lead singer David Lee Roth: Van Halen, Van Halen II, Women and Children First, Fair Warning, Diver Down, and 1984.

Roth was replaced in 1985 by Sammy Hagar, who in 1996 was almost replaced by David Lee Roth. Neither Roth nor Hagar were in the band in 1996, so technically neither one was replaced as lead vocalist by Extreme’s Gary Cherone, who was with the band until 1999 and then replaced in 2003 by Sammy Hagar . . . who was replaced in 2008 by David Lee Roth.

The band’s latest release, 2012’s A Different Kind of Truth, has sold one million copies, far lower than the usual for their other albums but still several hundred thousand copies per lead singer.

What’s more interesting than the band’s legendary inability to get along is, frankly, that David Lee Roth has been able to make a lifelong—and very lucrative—career as a singer:

The moral of the story here is that America is, even today, still the land of opportunity. If you work hard and find something you’re good at, you can be a great success . . . but even if you’re no good, no big deal. Follow your dreams, even if you kind of suck at them.

The Comma: Punctuation's Unsung Hero

On the Benefits of a Well-Rounded Education

Mixed Signals

The Minimalist's Thirty-Million-Dollar House

Near the end of May 2013 it was reported that New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez’s Miami home had sold to an unnamed buyer for $30 million, making it one of the most expensive home sales in the city’s history.

Rodriguez bought the property for $7.4 million in 2010, and spent roughly the same amount on building the house, which was finished about a year later. Less than four years after starting construction, Rodriguez was able to sell the house for a profit of somewhere near $15 million.

Now, we don’t object to making a profit—in fact, if we someday sell our own home for an extra fifteen million dollars, then so be it. That bothers us even less than it bothers us for ESPN.com to describe a 20,000-square-foot house—one with nine bedrooms, eleven bathrooms, home theater, and an outdoor kitchen (as well as the more mundane indoor gourmet kitchen)—as “minimalist.”

See if you can guess which of these houses is the quaint,
minimalist bungalow formerly owned by Alex Rodriguez.

We do admit, however, to being a little puzzled. In one of the worst housing markets and worst overall economies most living Americans have seen—or at least can remember clearly—this house was sold after less than four years for twice its previous price. What kind of luck is that?

Honestly, who on Earth gets paid tens of millions of dollars in order to get something that’s just going to sit there, inert, doing nothing but getting older and more and more run-down, and may well have been built using illegal materials in the first place? 

What?

 Hey—

  
Oh wait—

Yeah, we remember who now. Alex Rodriguez.