Mixed Signals

Irony, Illustrated

 

We’re not really sure whether this one passes the irony test, or, failing that, whether it passes for clever or super-stupid. As the entire message is, in fact, written in stone, it proves itself wrong and thus pretty pointless . . . but then again, the word “nothing ” is written in stone right here, so if read literally, the statement is technically correct . . . and pretty pointless.

All we can say for sure is that there’s somebody out there with a chisel and way too much free time.

Irony, Illustrated

If eccept means fail, then, yes, you have eccepted the challenge of the TAKS test.

If You Think Your Kids Don’t Listen to You . . .

they do.

Irony, Illustrated

Irony, Illustrated

 

It’s a gutsy philosophy to live by,
but if you’re willing to regret just one single hing, now might be the time.





 

Marc-André Fleury Updates His Facebook Profile Photo

Above: Pittsburgh Penguins goaltender Mark-André Fleury.

How to Drive Your Neat-Freak Husband Crazy in One Easy Step

We know what you’re asking, and the answer is yes, that empty thing at the center of the photo is, in fact, a shoe rack.

  

Today in Hockey History: Mike Ricci's Head Suspended Two Games for Conduct Unbecoming a Face

February 10, 1997: Immensely popular Colorado Avalanche fan-favorite Mike Ricci (above) appealed the decision, but it was rejected on the grounds that nobody could figure out what, exactly, was Mike Ricci’s appeal¹ in the first place.

NOTE

1. Get it? It’s a pun!

Irony, Illustrated

 . . . and yet they’re still making more money than you are.
A lot more.

Today in Science History: Physicist and Animal Lover Erwin Schrödinger Pronounced Dead, Alive1

     

NOTE
1. Don’t feel bad—we don’t actually get it either. We’re just trying to impress all the ladies out there that love physics.²
2. Hello, ladies.

Childish Fun at the Expense of the Founder of Wikipedia, Who Almost Surely Deserves Better

 

 

You Aren't Cool Enough to Do This

 

To be fair, we’re not cool enough to do it either, and never will be. The physical mechanics and coordination involved in pulling off this shot—or, for that matter, getting that close to the goaltender without stumbling into him—boggle our admittedly tiny minds.

We take some solace in the fact that despite his obvious skills, shooter Rob Hisey has yet to make it into the NHL—just like us!

On the other hand, we take far less solace in knowing that nine-year-old squirts can apparently figure it out  with ease:

 . . . little punk.

Celebrate all you want, kid—at least we don’t have to sit on a phone book to reach the dinner table.

 

Irony, Illustrated

To be fair, why would the literacy program try to help newspaper writers? 

They’re not miracle workers.

Words that Changed the World XI

“[Transcription unavailable].”

Sadly, we haven’t been able to find an embeddable video clip for this one, but you can watch it here. It’s worth your time.

The Cheap Star Trek Joke of the Day

Don’t blame this on us. Blame George Takei.

Words that Changed the World X

“If Ford is to Chevrolet

What Dodge is to Chrysler,

What Corn Flakes are to Post Toasties,

What the clear blue sky is to the deep blue sea,

What Hank Williams is to Neil Armstrong,

Can you doubt we were made for each other?”¹

NOTE

1. This post represents a bit of a departure from the standard format of “Words that Changed the World.” In the past, these have involved only gibberish words, incomprehensible mumbling, or drunken babbling. As Lyle Lovett capably shows here, however, a gifted wordsmith can take perfectly normal words, organize them in a logical and grammatical order, and still end up with complete nonsense.

Food for Thought for Our Optimist Friends

     

 

Just because you can pretend things aren’t as bad as they seem doesn’t mean they’re not actually much, much worse.

 

The Fish-Slapping Dance

We won’t dare to pretend that we have anything worth adding to Monty Python’s presentation of the Fish-Slapping Dance; we merely recommend that you watch and enjoy. And in hopes of avoiding being sued by angry British copyright lawyers, we also recommend that you follow this link and buy what you find there; Lord knows the Pythons deserve the royalties.

Except maybe for Eric Idle. He’s making buckets of money on Spamalot, so forget him.

James Taylor Still Finishing Bucket List