Charlie Sheen Records World's Worst Public Service Announcement

In an appearance on The Dan Patrick Show, Charlie Sheen, noted crack vacuum and star of the inexplicably popular Two and a Half Men, recorded what may well be the least-effective anti-drug public service announcement of all time. In recounting a talk he gave to the UCLA baseball team, he told Patrick

“ . . . I said ‘stay away from the crack.’ Which I think is pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially, Dan. If you can manage it socially, then go for it. But not a lot of people can.”¹

If you can manage crack socially, then go for it. That’ll do, Charlie, thanks.

What the UCLA baseball team probably didn’t realize is that Sheen had considered, but subsequently rejected, an even more direct approach. According to the written notes recovered from his garbage can and meticulously reconstructed in our lab, Sheen intended to say:

“Crack cocaine isn’t for pussies. Are you guys pussies? No? Prove it.”

We believe it’s safe to say that he still got his point across.

“Drugs?”

“Thank you, no, I’m straight.”

“I meant, are you in here for drugs?”

“Why are you here?”

“Drugs.”

NOTES
1. Los Angeles Times blogs, February 14, 2011.