Chaos Reigns as Actors Collide, Explode

“For every one billion particles of David Keith there were one billion and one particles of Keith David. And when the mutual annihilation was complete, one billionth remained—and that's our present universe.” 

—Albert Einstein

Disaster struck a bustling movie set today in Hollywood, California, as highly regarded character actors and polar opposites Keith David (The Thing, Platoon, There's Something About Mary), and David Keith (An Officer and a Gentleman, Major League 2) foolishly made physical contact with one another and were tragically annihilated according to the immutable laws of physics.

Keith David. Mathematically represented as David Keith x (-1).

 
The two actors met on the set of The Theory of Symmetry, a biopic of British theoretical physicist Paul Dirac directed by, presumably, some egghead science guy or something. Keith and David, apparently unaware of their diametrically opposed physical characteristics, collegially shook hands at the end of a long day’s shooting and obliterated one another in a hellish firestorm of brooding intensity and masculine jawbones.

David Keith: Theorized to have been the massive

gravitational source at the center of the Milky Way galaxy.

 

Keith David is survived by a wife of twenty-one years, a son, and two daughters. David Keith, having been of slightly greater mass, leaves behind not only a wife but also a smattering of leftover particles of matter.