This Just In!

Shit! My horoscope was right!

Raising the Debt Limit (Explained)

Congress has agreed to a budget for the first time since 2009. We’d praise Congress for this accomplishment if it weren’t one of the most basic elements of their job—much in the same way that we don’t typically gush all over a plumber who managed to avoid blowing up our house.

Still, we’ll take what we can get . . . and in this case, what we can get is apparently a deal that does little to nothing to address the deficit, national debt, or the debt ceiling.

The more we think about this, the more our attitude moves away from “faint praise” toward “sarcastic praise,” so rather than shoving this post full of snide, half-baked, uninformed commentary, we’ll leave you with an informative video that makes it all seem almost funny:

Your Inability to Punctuate is Making Things Worse

A word of advice: don’t ring the bell. Trust us.

Words That Changed the World: "The Drunkards' Chorus"

Lyrics, such as they are, and melody by Mickey MacConnell.

I Forgot My Phone

Courtesy of Charlene deGuzman

Mustaches Make Everything Better. Everything.

Sadly, Bud Light needs more help than even the must luxurious mustachio can give, but at least we gave it a try.

They Say That Statistics Never Lie . . .

. . . but they don’t say that statistics are always particularly smart:

What’s most interesting to us is that teen pregnancy after age twenty-five drops significantly, but apparently not all the way to zero. Apparently there’s at least one forty-year-old teenager out there who missed out on that filmstrip in junior-high health class.