Mustaches Make Everything Better. Everything.

Sadly, Bud Light needs more help than even the must luxurious mustachio can give, but at least we gave it a try.

They Say That Statistics Never Lie . . .

. . . but they don’t say that statistics are always particularly smart:

What’s most interesting to us is that teen pregnancy after age twenty-five drops significantly, but apparently not all the way to zero. Apparently there’s at least one forty-year-old teenager out there who missed out on that filmstrip in junior-high health class.

Mustaches Make Everything Better.

The 24-Hour News Cycle Finally Fails Us

But what did he eat? For the love of God, man, WHAT DID HE EAT???

A Field Guide to Typestaches

In honor of Movember—a month-long event that encourages men¹ to grow luxurious, awesomely ludicrous mustaches to raise money and awareness for health issues such as prostate cancer—and in keeping with our own growing interest in typography and our abiding interest in all things silly, we present to you, for your pleasure puzzled disinterest, “A Field Guide to Typestaches” by Tor Weeks:

Please feel free to share, in the comments section, your stories, sketches, and photographs of your sightings of these rare and unusual creatures in their natural habitats.

Poster available for purchase at http://torweeks.com/ and possibly at http://torweeks.blogspot.com.


NOTES
1. And unusually hairy women, as far as we know.

Please Giggle at This Noble Cause, and Then Donate

Note: If you’re not entertained by wordplay and/or lowbrow boob humor, you may as well stop reading, because there’s really nothing for you here.

All day today, Dr. (Mrs.) Some Guy will be participating in Girls Gone Rx, a CrossFit competition that doubles as a fundraiser for Barbells for Boobs, which is (according to their website) “a non-profit organization that provides funding to pay for breast cancer detection services as a last resort for thousands of people who don’t qualify for assistance elsewhere.”

While we applaud the participants’ phenomenal athleticism and their willingness to work their asses off (not usually literally) for a good cause, what really hooked us here was the lengths to which some of competitors were willing to go, and the linguistic creativity they were willing to apply, to come up with boobie-themed team names that are either really good or really bad, sometimes simultaneously.

The competing teams include:

• Breast Friends
• Bar Belles
• Twin Peaks Rescue
• Bonkers for Honkers (our personal favorite)
• Fembots
• Breast Assured
• Titty Titty Bang Bang
• Bad LAsses
• BrEAST MODE
• Rack Pack
• Team Motorboat
• Big or Small...Save ’em All
• Stop Drop and Squat
• Saving Second Base
• Push-Up Broads (extra points awarded here for a triple meaning, even if the competitors don’t actually have to do push-ups today)
• Breast buddies
• Sweater Puppies
• Pirates for Healthy Coconuts (also our personal favorite. Why “Pirates”? Who cares?)
• Sweater Kittens
• Breast Friends Forever
• Brazinga!
• In Titties We Trust
• Lumbear racks
• Girls Gone WOD (WOD is a CrossFit term that stands for “Workout Of the Day”)
• Pink Ninjas
• Tits on Tits on Tits
• Itty Bitty Titty Committee
• Peeka Boobies
• Honkin Tatas
• Tittsburgh Feelers (we’ve done what research we can, but have been unable to determine whether this team really did come all the way from Tittsburgh to compete)
• Ta-tas and Tiaras
• Bad Ass Boobed Bitches
• Treasured Chests
• Booby Trap
• Go BOOB or go HOME
• Double-D Double Unders
• A Cups
• Breast of Intentions
• Do These Squats Make Our Asses Look Big
• Rack Attack
• Boobie Traps
• Nice Rack
• Rack City
• Mis-Tits
• Booby Buccaneers
• We Care About Your Pair
• Hee HawHotties
• BoobBeasts

Lest you think this competition amounts to a bunch of lunkheaded gym guys snickering at boob jokes like a bunch of fourteen-year-olds, the Girls Gone Rx competition appears to be for women only. The single lunkheaded guy we know snickering at it is the one blogging about it at the moment. So take that, people who object to stuff!

If you'd like to donate—which would be great—please visit this page for Saving Second Base, towards which I am terrifically biased but only because it’s possibly the greatest CrossFit team ever assembled, and not because it includes my wife.

This is Why Your Auto-Spellchecker Is Not Enough.